Dear Howard,

What poisons the well also poisons the heir. Why did you leave? Were you really never there? I am your imitator because you blackly inspire me. You were so anti-heroic I wanted to traverse the earth to admire you. And I still do. You drank too much but so did I. We are like decadent brothers burning our selves alive. Why do we do this? Why did you do it? What was your final thought as your world exploded? Did you call out to me? My questions are without end, because it is a struggle to make lost time bend. You wit, you dandy, you insane daddy—please, hold me.

I miss lying in bed with you, watching several T.V.s all at once, discussing our shared mystery during the commercials. I hope you know that they still ridicule us, and that our sympathy must have long been spent. But, I love you. I love you. I love you. I still have you coursing through my veins, and no one has ever kissed my forehead but you and one boy that reminded me terribly of you and your rainy, wet gothic of a set of lips. Do you know the patriarchs now? Will you come back to me as another troubled boy? Our insanity is circular. I am sorry, but I have to keep healthy now. Come back.