Dear Lewis,

I wish I could have removed that thorn from your lion’s paw. Every one of my touches made you roar. I will always hold you as the greatest of my loves but only I will ever understand why. What melted my heart was that night we told each other we loved one another and then spent the late hours crying until dawn. That is how I knew you were the one for me at that very tumultuous time I hope you can now forgive me for. I could not foresee my illness appearing like it did or our fists taking the place of hugs. Like a saint, I kept your relics—stains of blood here and broken hearts there. Will you ever know how completely volatile you were and how you consumed my entire life not for the better?

We were conscious of the power of passion, especially in bed. No one has ever pleased me with so angry a touch before. You remind me too much of my father and I wish you both would stop haunting me. I feel like the homosexual Hamlet going mad in his castle, wanting to stop my racing thoughts. But, at least we have always given it with just exactly what we have got. I have heard what you do now and I optimistically wonder where you got your voice.